Discussion Guide

Ground Rules For Conversation 

How to be safe people: 

  • There are “no perfect people allowed” so we won’t “fake fine” or pretend to be something we’re not. 

  • We aren’t here to fix each other - No unsolicited advice giving - just listen & encourage 

  • We’ll keep our sharing short so others can participate 

  • We’ll keep what we hear to ourselves, since each person’s story is theirs to share

  • We’ll show up and join in, because each person’s input matters & helps

  • Values around Mission: Anyone is welcome // Change is possible // Hope for Everyone

Week 4 Discussion Guide

Icebreaker

What’s something small (and maybe funny) you held onto longer than you should have — like a grudge over a game night, fantasy football trade, or family debate? What finally helped you let it go?

Leader Tip:
Keep this light and fun. The goal is to ease into the topic of holding on vs. letting go.


1. “I CAN’T. HE CAN. I THINK I’LL LET HIM.”

Question:
How does that posture apply specifically to forgiveness and making amends?

Leader Notes:

  • Forgiveness often feels impossible.

  • We can’t force feelings  but we can surrender our will.

  • Amends require humility and courage we don’t naturally have.

Follow-Up:
Where do you feel most resistant right now  forgiving someone or asking for forgiveness?

2. Read Colossians 3:13 & Ephesians 4:31–32

Scripture:

Colossians 3:13  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Question:
Why do you think Scripture connects our forgiveness of others directly to God’s forgiveness of us?

Leader Notes:

  • We forgive from forgiveness, not for forgiveness.

  • Remembering our own grace softens our grip on others.

  • Awareness of our own sin increases compassion.

Follow-Up:
How does remembering what God has forgiven you change your posture toward others?

3. “Bitterness is stupid there is a huge cost and zero benefit.”

Question:
Where have you seen bitterness steal joy, peace, health, or freedom — either in your life or someone else’s?

Leader Notes:
Keep this from turning into gossip. Focus on the impact, not the villain.

You may hear:

  • Anxiety

  • Broken relationships

  • Physical stress

  • Emotional exhaustion

Gently steer toward ownership:
“What has it cost you?”

4. Consequences of Bitterness

Which stands out most right now and why?

  • Blinds us spiritually

  • Messes with our prayers

  • Steals our freedom

  • Changes our personality

  • Destroys our health

Leader Tip:
Let this sit. Silence is okay. Depth often comes after pause.

5. What Forgiveness Is (and Isn’t)

Which is hardest to embrace and why?

  • Not forgetting

  • Not minimizing

  • Not a feeling

  • Giving up your right to get even

Leader Notes:
Most people struggle with:

  • “If I forgive, it feels like they win.”

  • “If I forgive, it means it wasn’t a big deal.”

Clarify again:
Forgiveness is not excusing.
It is surrendering revenge.

6. Romans 12  Leave Justice to God

Question:
What makes it so hard to release justice into God’s hands?

Leader Notes:
Common answers:

  • Fear they’ll “get away with it”

  • Distrust that God will act

  • Desire for visible consequences

Follow-Up:
What does trusting God with justice actually require from you?

7. Naming the Person & the Feeling

“I choose to forgive ___ for what they did, which made me feel ___.”

Why is it important to name the emotional impact instead of minimizing it?

Leader Insight:
Healing requires honesty.
Buried pain becomes bitterness.
Named pain becomes something God can heal.

Encourage vulnerability, but never force it.

8. Forgiving Others, Yourself, or Wrestling with God

Which is most challenging for you right now?

Leader Notes:
Many strong believers struggle most with:

  • Forgiving themselves

  • Disappointment toward God

If someone shares tension toward God, affirm that honesty is part of faith.

9. Making Amends

What keeps people from seeking forgiveness?

Common barriers:

  • Pride

  • Fear of rejection

  • Shame

  • Not wanting to reopen wounds

  • “What if they don’t forgive me?”

Remind the group:
We’re responsible for obedience not outcomes.

10. “As far as it depends on you…”

What does it practically look like to clean your side of the street?

Examples:

  • Owning your part without blame-shifting

  • Being specific

  • Not making excuses

  • Not demanding a response

  • Letting peace “umpire” your heart

Next Steps For This Week

Encourage your group to take time and reflect on the questions below and check out the resource in the mission app to get started. 

What would one courageous next step look like this week?

Memory Jogger Review

Read these slowly:

  • Anyone I owe a debt to?

  • Anyone I’ve broken a promise to?

  • Anyone I’ve been harsh with, hypercritical of, or taken for granted?

A practical next step might be:

  • Writing a forgiveness prayer

  • Drafting an apology you never send 

  • Making a phone call

  • Setting a boundary

  • Meeting with a counselor

  • Sitting in honest prayer

  • Talking to a  chair