We are a group of imperfect people pursuing a perfect God. We exist to help each other find and follow Christ. These are some things we want to be true of our group:

We create a safe and honest environment, staying transparent and authentic.
We keep it inside the circle. Confidentiality is necessary for a healthy group.
We look together to the Bible for help and guidance, and keep out our own politics, sales, or agendas.
We do not try to fix each other, preach sermons, or give unsolicited advice. We instead encourage, listen to, and celebrate each other.
We handle conflict between us quickly and honestly by going to the person, owning our part, and practicing forgiveness.
We respect each others’ time by starting and ending when we say we will.
We trust that it is God’s role to change people, not ours.
We believe that in Jesus Christ, there is hope for everyone.

In the last week of Some Assembly Required series, we’re drawing attention to how we can use our relationship with Jesus to create better communication, as well as see what the bible says are the keys to lasting ways to practice forgiveness. It’s not always easy! But when we look to the cross, we can be intentional in our actions and decisions.

Icebreaker

Mike asked everyone what their conflict style is. How do you typically handle conflict?

Trash compactor...stuff and start to leak
Peacemaker
Screamer
Terminator...power/intimidate and lay waste to everyone … “ill be back”
Stealth bomber
Sulker...spaghetti arms
Freezer
Litigator

CONNECT

Conflict happens when...
Mike said, “If God isn’t at the center, conflict is bound to happen.”
- Do you think a daily relationship with God changes the way we relate to people? If so, how have you been changed or seen a change?
  - Follow-Up Question:
    What does (or could) that daily relationship with God look like in a practical way?
What are you fighting for?
James 4:1 asks, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”
- How can we use the power of ownership to settle conflict quickly? How can we take a step back in the middle of a quarrel when we want to be right?
Do not envy the world
James 4:2-4 says, “You are jealous and covet [what others have] and your lust goes unfulfilled; so you murder. You are envious and cannot obtain [the object of your envy]; so you fight and battle. You do not have because you do not ask [it of God]. 3 You ask [God for something] and do not receive it, because you ask with wrong motives [out of selfishness or with an unrighteous agenda], so that [when you get what you want] you may spend it on your [hedonistic] desires. 4 You adulteresses [disloyal sinners—flirting with the world and breaking your vow to God]! Do you not know that being the world’s friend [that is, loving the things of the world] is being God’s enemy? So whoever chooses to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think that the Scripture says to no purpose [e]that the [human] spirit which He has made to dwell in us lusts with envy?” - AMP
- What do you think of this passage? How do you feel about being held to a higher standard because we are already forgiven?

APPLY

Ownership
Mike asked everyone to start practicing saying, “You know what the problem is? I’m not getting what I want!”
- If in the midst of a fight, someone said this to you, how would this change the conversation? Would you feel like they were owning “a slice?”
- How can letting God fight on your behalf, instead of doing it yourself, actually be taking ownership?
Hurts
Colossians 3:13-14 says, “Bear with each other, and forgive each other. If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because the Lord forgave you. 14 Even more than all this, clothe yourself in love. Love is what holds you all together in perfect unity.”
- How can you change the conversation, and even heal, by evaluating who you have hurt when you haven’t gotten what what you want?
Doing the work
We need to give ourselves permission to let God meet us where we are.
- What is the difference between forgiveness vs. acceptance vs. reconciliation? OR, what do each of these things NOT mean? Explore with examples, the emotional impact of each, etc.
What is forgiveness?
Mike said, to forgive, we’re acknowledging the hurt and choosing to let them off the hook.
- Which are you more likely to do when you’re hurt by someone? (1) skip the acknowledgment of hurt and try to be okay with the person (2) refuse to let them off the hook and continue to hold a grudge?
  - Why are both of these incomplete ways of dealing with hurt?
- What practical ways can you let someone off the hook when you are still hurt?

READ. PRAY. DO.

READ

As we study James 4 this week, it’s important to see God’s heart for us. Read God’s approach to forgiveness. We are all unfaithful and worthy of unforgiveness at times, whether in the literal sense, or how James describes it when we choose the world’s way over God’s.
James 4 and Hosea 3

PRAY

Pray this prayer on your own, or use it to kickstart your own personal prayer time.
Lord, thank you for your love and forgiveness. I’m not always faithful to your ways and allow my pain and hurt to get in the way. Show me where I’m blind and not owning my own stuff this week. Thank you for your mercy and guidance while I’m learning to walk with you.

DO

Practice forgiveness this week by asking the questions Mike suggested on Sunday:

Who did I hurt?
What did I do?
Why did I do that?
What happened as a result?