We read this statement together before every group discussion! It helps transition the group to discussion time, it reaffirms our highest values, and sets a tone of trust, consistency, and safety for everyone in the group.

We are a group of imperfect people pursuing a perfect God. We exist to help each other find and follow Christ. These are some things we want to be true of our group:

We create a safe and honest environment, staying transparent and authentic.
We keep it inside the circle. Confidentiality is necessary for a healthy group.
We look together to the Bible for help and guidance, and keep out our own politics, sales, or agendas.
We do not try to fix each other, preach sermons, or give unsolicited advice. We instead encourage, listen to, and celebrate each other.
We handle conflict between us quickly and honestly by going to the person, owning our part, and practicing forgiveness.
We respect each others’ time by starting and ending when we say we will.
We trust that it is God’s role to change people, not ours.
We believe that in Jesus Christ, there is hope for everyone.

Mike continued the Starting Over series by moving to all the different relationships in our lives. Whether it's marriage, friendship, teams, or family, we all have relationships that need a fresh start. But there are lots of myths that we all tend to believe about how relationships should work... it's only when we start looking at the God's design for relationships that we are able to start over and work toward health in all our relationships!

CONNECT

What are some things that you've had to start over in life? What kinds of things do you actually like starting over?
Mike said we often learn the most from mistakes in areas that matter the least, but we repeat mistakes in areas that matter most. What kinds of little mistakes have you learned from quickly? What about the mistakes that matter most and you seem to just repeat?

APPLY

Mike talked about six relationship myths that we often believe (listed in Message Notes below). Which of these have you subscribed to over the course of your life? Where or how did you learn them?
Which of these myths are hardest for you to stop believing in exchange for the sometimes harder truth? Which haven't you ever really thought of, or is a new thought to you?
Mike said that OWNING IT is the first step before starting over. When has owning your part started the process of reconciliation in a relationship? When has blaming the other person halted the process of reconciliation?
Knowing who God says we are is the foundation of starting over. How would you explain to someone else who God says you are? Do you think you always believe that or act like that person?
What priorities would change if you woke up every day thinking, "how can I make sure that my ________ (spouse, significant other, parent, child, friend, etc.) thrives today? What priorities might get less attention, and how would the way you spend your day change?
Believing the Best is another important piece of starting over, but it's not always easy. In what situations or relationships do you have trouble believing the best about someone, instead of expecting the worst? What would your next confrontation or conversation look like if you chose to believe the best? What do you think you need to make that happen?

EXPERIENCE

Pick one of the myths that Mike talked about and keep it in the forefront of your mind this week. Think about the ways that it might influence your relationships, and how it's taken root in your thinking. Every time you notice it, spend just a minute praying for God to help you believe the truth instead!

Starting Over

Purpose
Relationships
Schedule
Finances
with God

When will I learn?

We learn from mistakes in areas that matter the least;
We repeat mistakes in areas that matter most.

6 myths of bad relationship decisions

MYTH: Experience makes me wiser
TRUTH: Evaluated experience makes me wiser

MYTH: Since I know better, I'll do better
TRUTH: Know better ≠ do better

MYTH: Time is against me
TRUTH: Time is your friend, not your enemy.

MYTH: If I find the right person…
TRUTH: Become the right person

MYTH: My situation is unique
TRUTH: No it's not

MYTH: My secret is safe with me
TRUTH: Secrets seep

BONUS MYTH: Sex will solve it
TRUTH: Sex complicates it

Before Starting Over

OWN IT
- Genesis 3:8-13
  8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”
  
  10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.
  
  11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”
  
  12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
  
  13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”
  
  The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
- We cannot blame our way to a better future
RETHINK IT
- Romans 12:1-2
  Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Starting Over

Know who I am
Put the other first
- Philippians 2:3-5
  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.
Guard Your Heart
- Proverbs 4:23
  Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Believe the Best
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.